BF got married without telling me. Now, I have become a mistress?!?!

In those years, I was like an addicted gambler, always thinking that another chance may be overturned. Unfortunately, I spent the best years of my life with you, and I lost it all.

Am I willing to give up? It seems like I am not so open-minded. Even now thinking about it, I will also be a little unwilling. Not to that person is not reconciled, but not reconciled to my own early awakening.

01

In 2009, when I was 26, my family started pushing for marriage. In order to avoid the force of my family, I left my hometown in southern China that summer and moved to Beijing to work.

This fall, I was invited to a friend’s housewarming party and met Kai at the dinner table. He was a familiar character, the funny man at the dinner table. That’s why the master invited him, at least not in silence.

When I went back downstairs, I found that we lived near Jian Xiang Bridge on the North Fourth Ring Road. So he offered to take me in a cab, but I said no. He said, “Don’t mention it. It’s on my way.”

He got out of the car with me when I got home. He said it was only a few hundred meters from where he lived, and he had eaten too much and was on his way back from a walk. He took my phone number, said he was free to meet me for dinner, and, uh, waved goodbye.

On the weekend, he texted, “Wanna go out for dinner?” I usually stay at home except to go swimming occasionally.

I was bored, so I said, yes. The two men went to a nearby restaurant. That dinner, I listened to his gossip. I was already a boring person, and it wasn’t a bad thing that he was willing to talk to me.

Over the next few weekends, he invited me to dinner alone. He paid the bill after each meal. I couldn’t rob him, so I said to him, next time you pay, I won’t come to dinner. So he invited me, and I invited him back, but there was no reason to refuse.

He is not my type. He is thin, his skin is tanned. I prefer a guy who has muscles. I remember him as a funny guy, so I think it will be fun to be friends with him.

He has been working in Beijing for two years and cannot go back in the short term.

Another weekend, he asked me, would you like to go to the Ming Tombs reservoir to play? I asked him, how many people? Just the two of us, he said.

We always ate alone these days, and I knew that at least he liked me and I didn’t hate him. So, I said, yes.

That time, we went all the way north to Changping. Even when there are only two people, the road is not dull. We rode a water bike while watching the lake scenery. It was very relaxing.

Suddenly, he stopped talking. I felt strange. I turned around and found him staring at me. He said, “Would you be my boyfriend?”

I froze for a moment, and he thought I wasn’t listening, so he said again, “Would you be my boyfriend?”

02

In fact, I have some premonition, but he said it in a sudden. I do not know how to answer for a while.

I said, give me some time, let me think about it. He said, “It’s okay. I’ll wait for your answer.”

I don’t hate him, but I don’t fall in love with him. I am not an active person, even when I meet someone I like, I will not express my feelings.

These years, I am just into a relationship at university. Since graduating, I have been single until now.

In those days, although we still talked every day, he did not urge me. At the end of the week, we had dinner again, and he asked me to my face if I could accept him.

I was also in a blank period. Then, I agreed to try it out.

He was so happy, he drank a lot of beer that day, and we walked all the way back to my dorm room, which was his first time. That’s how we got started.

He loves people, he knows how to cheer them up, he thinks up romantic ideas, and he makes the day feel like a ritual. On some ordinary days, he always finds a reason to celebrate. Stagnant water general life, gradually also spread spray.

I am a slow person, although he is not a handsome boy, but he put his mind on me, cares about me, and lets me feel the long-lost sense of care and security. That’s when I was like an alcohol dependency, I started to get sucked in.

In the fall, my house was due. He lived in a company dormitory. He offered to rent with me, and I agreed.

We went to look. He picked out a two-bedroom house, bought some supplies, and we moved in together. A few friends know, we invited them to make dumplings together, make a night, is open relationship.

I like home life. After living together, they buy their own food and cook. His craft is general, have serious canteen dependence disease, I turn over tricks to do some delicious every day.

He is from the South and likes to eat some spicy food. I try not to touch it for fear of acne, but I still cook some spicy food for him.

His mouth is very sweet, every time after eating, will be tired of speaking good words, MY mouth said disgusting, but still willing to clean up.

We do not have a large circle, usually, go to the movies, restaurants, shopping malls, cafes, he decided. Weekend trips around the area, finding hotels, arranging routes, driving, all on his contract. I don’t have to care. I just have to follow him.

In addition to some social activities, he always comes back on time. He is not a person who is keen on socializing with others. The biggest relaxation at home is playing games on the computer.

If it weren’t for liking me, I wouldn’t know he was gay. These are not questions of principle, although they are a little awkward. Besides, I like housework, and I don’t mind doing more.

Once I went on a business trip. When I left Beijing, it was still warm autumn. I didn’t take many clothes with me. He was afraid I should catch cold, so he took a coat and bought a platform ticket, which he put on me as soon as I came out.

At that time, I felt lucky that I was right.

In fact, I also have some premonitions, but he just says it in a sudden. I do not know how to answer for a while.

I said, give me some time, let me think about it. He said, “It’s okay. I’ll wait for your answer.”

I don’t hate him, but I don’t fall in love with him. I am not an active person, even when I meet someone I like, I will not express my feelings.

These years, in addition to having a relationship at university, for the rest of the years, I am single.

In those days, although we still talked every day, he did not urge me. At the end of the week, we had dinner again, and he asked me to my face if I could accept him.

I was also in a blank period, I was not rejected for a relationship. So I agreed to try it out.

He was so happy, he drank a lot of beer that day, and we walked all the way back to my dorm room, which was his first time. That’s how we got started.

He loves people, he knows how to cheer them up, he thinks up romantic ideas, he makes the day feel ritual. Some ordinary days, he always finds a reason to celebrate. Stagnant water general life, gradually also spread spray.

I am a slow person, although he is not a handsome guy, but he put his mind on me, cares about me, let me feel the long-lost sense of care and security. That’s when, like an alcohol dependency, I started to get sucked in.

In the fall, my house was due, he lived in the company dormitory, offered to rent with me, I agreed.

We went to look. He picked out a two-bedroom house, bought some supplies, and we moved in together. A few friends know, we invited them for dinner. After dinner, we told them that we are together now.

He is from the South and likes to eat spicy food. I try not to touch it for fear of acne, but I still cook some spicy food for him.

We do not have a large friend circle. We usually go to the movies, restaurants, shopping malls, and cafes. Weekend trips around the area, finding hotels, arranging routes, driving, all on his contract. I don’t have to worry. I just have to follow him.

In addition to some social activities, he always comes back on time. He is not a person who is keen on socializing with others. The biggest relaxation at home is playing games on the computer.

Once I went on a business trip. When I left Beijing, it was still warm autumn. I didn’t take many clothes with me. He was afraid I should catch a cold, so he took a coat and bought a platform ticket, which he put on me as soon as I came out.

At that time, I felt lucky that I was right.

03

After three months, everything seemed to be on the right track. Until I found out what was on his phone.

I rarely pay attention to his cell phone, until one day, he was in the room to send messages, even asked him several times to eat, but he did not hear me. I went up to him and gave him a shout. He looked up and answered.

When having a meal, the prompt sound of the text message is passed over, this density, it sounds not quite normal, as if in forcing something.

He said it was the department manager who asked about the progress of the project. I said, but today is the weekend.

He finished two or three bites, pushed the bowl and went back into the room. I went to do the dishes, just keeping an eye on it.

While he was taking a shower, I opened his phone and saw his chat logs. It was a woman asking him what he was doing. To what place? Who do you live with? There are even pictures of living rooms, kitchens, bedrooms and neighbourhoods. From the sound of his voice, they should know each other very well.

In his chat history, he referred to me as his roommate. After he had showered and laid down, I sat him down and said, “You weren’t talking to your boss today, were you?” He glanced at his phone and said, “Are you looking at my phone?” I said, “Who is this woman?”

“She’s a girl I went to college with.”

“She cares so much about you, even the details of your life.”

“We have a good relationship. What’s the matter, even a woman you also want to suspect?”

“I’m your roommate, right?”

“Afraid she knew I am gay, so I made up an excuse.”

“If it’s a girl, why do you say it’s your boss?”

It was too much, and he started yelling at me, saying I was looking at his phone, suspicious of him, and disrespectful.

I was not good at arguing, and I could only look at him in his rapturous roar as if I was wrong.

From that night on, the atmosphere dropped to the freezing point, we began a cold war.

I stayed late at work for several days, and he didn’t come home until he finished eating. Lying in a bed without talking, like the other person is invisible.

His cell phone was never out of his sight, and he never took a shower without taking it into the bathroom.

After a week of the cold war, he began to soften. One night, in bed, he offered to hug me, indicating that he wanted sex, and I pushed him away. Seeing my resolute attitude, he had to explain and this “female classmate” the relationship.

04

She was a college classmate of Kai’s, liked him very much, and offered her love to him, and he agreed. So they stayed together as a couple and had sex. After graduation, they stayed in Shanghai, and he took her back to his hometown to meet his parents. They dated for 6 years.

He said that he did not like her. Just because of the fear of people seeing that he is gay, he agreed to get along with her. This thought will break up after graduation. Who knows, she has not let go, and their parents also hope they get married.

Later, the unit had to work in Beijing. He volunteered to transfer to Beijing, hoping to slowly dilute the feelings with space distance.

I asked him, “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” “I don’t see her as my wife, so she’s not an obstacle to our relationship,” he said. He asked me not to push him, to give him more time to process.

Look at his promise, think of these months he is good to me, feel a relationship is not easy, can only trust him, give him time to deal with.

I believed I couldn’t lose to a woman.

That’s how it gets squashed. In the days that followed, Kai contacted her and stopped avoiding me. He confided in her about everything that was going on in his life.

She even doubted our relationship, Kai explained. We were just roommates. I had a psychological imbalance. He explained that she was afraid of her parents, who first coaxed her, and then slowly cold her.

I had no choice but to trust Kai.

I once suspected that he was bisexual. He assured me that he did not like women and that she had initiated sex in college and that he could not push it away.

“I knew I was gay for a long time, and I dated guys in college,” he said.

I was surprised. “You’re playing on both sides?”

“It’s just hooking up with guys,” he says, grinning.

“I asked.” Have you dated a lot?”

He smiled and kept silent.

I’m kind of glad he likes men, at least as his past booty calls have proved. Otherwise, in this competition with girls, there is no possibility to run to the end.

In the spring of 2011, more than a year later, things were not going the way I had hoped.

I offered to break up, and Kai begged me for more time. He grabbed my weak side, side coaxes girls, side coaxes me, the day has been so long.

I thought gender was my biggest advantage over girls, but I was naive.

That summer, when the girl came to Beijing to visit Kai, he stayed in a hotel for a few days, saying that he was staying with her in Beijing. As if possessed, I believed his story.

I lived alone at home for a few days. One night, Kai called me and asked me out to dinner. I thought the girl was gone, so I said yes.

After work, I went to the restaurant. I found that the girl was also there. I can only sit down and pretend to be nothing.

After dinner, the girl offered to take a look at our place. Fortunately, in these two days, I put sheets on both bedrooms.

The girl looked at the details of the room like a leader inspecting it as if she wanted to find clues of the crime. She looked at me with analysis in her eyes.

Kai smiled, and I sat in my room, seemingly calm, until they both said goodbye to me, closed the door.

05

I had a big fight with Kai, packed my bags, and I was leaving. He knows the wrong, kneels to me, begs me to understand his pressure, his parents have been urging marriage, and he is afraid of his parents’ emotional breakdown. Seeing his nose and tears, I relented.

A man’s tears do not lightly flick, he is also unable to overcome the threshold, will be so.

Next, Kai tries to make amends. He didn’t cook much, so he started cooking. That fall, on our second anniversary, he bought me a new phone and took a trip to Kunming.

The next spring, I bought a house in Beijing, and Kai lent me tens of thousands to decorate the house. Later, he moved in with me, and we had a rare moment of harmony in our new house.

In 2013, he returned to Shanghai headquarters and we began living apart.

A few close friends, who knew about Kai and me over the years, advised me to let go early, because the situation was too complicated for me to handle.

But I couldn’t stop thinking that Kai would eventually choose me.

In 2014, Kai continued to be dispatched to Beijing and came back to me. Instinctively, he seemed to be avoiding me this time.

He comes back late every day and goes to work in the early morning. It is really like roommates. I asked him, but he said he was busy.

My mother came to live in Beijing for a while, and she asked me, who is Kai? I could only say it was a friend I was temporarily staying with.

Then he went out and rented his own house and gave me a key. In fact, I rarely go. I go once in a while, and I can’t stay overnight.

This year, my company organized overseas travel. As a reward, we can bring our family members. His parents came to Beijing and joined him for an outing. More than ten days later, they returned to Beijing.

The day before his parents returned to Shanghai, I received a WeChat message from the girl inviting me to have dinner with her. I called Kai and said, what’s going on? He couldn’t pull off the lie any longer.

It turns out they got married last year while he was working back in Shanghai. This time, they became legal partner. On the other hand, I have become a real mistress.

He begged me to forgive him on the phone, saying he’d been trying to find the right time to tell me.

I cried. “Have you been lying to me this whole time? That’s a long time. Should have told me. You see, I am now a total mistress, this is what you want”

He cried too and told me not to hate him, because he was forced to do so by his parents. I said, well, I can only congratulate you and wish you and your family happiness.

I was about to hang up when he said, “I need you to help me with something.”

06

“You must come to dinner tonight because my parents know that you are my roommate in Beijing and they also want to thank you in person. Besides, my girlfriend, oh no, my wife also told me that I must take you to dinner to make up for your wedding dinner.”

“How can your wife have my WeChat?”

“She went through my phone.”

“Why doesn’t she still believe you?”

“Don’t be mad at me for saying so.”

“What else are you not telling me?”

“I met a guy in Shanghai and kept in touch occasionally. She went through my phone messages and got them. She suspected me and you.”

“This guy, when the fuck did you know him?”

I met her because I was depressed after I got married. When I came to work in Beijing this time, she made video calls with me almost every day to check my whereabouts. Sometimes they come from Shanghai without asking.”

“Aren’t you impressed?”

“I’m begging you to come tonight. If you don’t, she’ll know we’re not normal.”

“Aren’t you afraid I’ll be sad?”

“I’m sorry, but you’re the only one who can help me now, for the sake of these years.”

“You son of a bitch, go to hell.” I hung up the phone angrily. After a while, he sent me a message on WeChat, asking me to save him and send me the address of the restaurant.

I can’t believe I’m the only one who can save his family. I was so sad that I told my best friend about it, and he kept telling me to leave Kai early.

Hearing this, he raised his voice an octave over the phone. “Let him go to hell. Tell his wife that he’s gay and he is a piece of shit.”

Knowing him for five years, I naively believed again and again that I was in his future. I would give up my pride if there was even a chance I could get him back.

But such retention, not in return for a trace of response, his world, only their own, how can there be a ME? In my hands, I never hold the future, only an expired number card he gave me, and all these years of worthless waiting.

I borrowed tens of thousands from my friends and transferred the money that Kai lent me to decorate. I sent him a message on WeChat, “Rest assured, I will attend your wedding banquet on time.”

There is no banquet in the world that never ends. I want to pack up my last dignity and leave with dignity at this banquet.