01
We met through an app. In his profile, he said he wanted a stable relationship and wanted to be serious.
The first time we chatted, he opened his heart. He said he wanted to spend a lifetime with me after a short conversation. I had my doubts, but simply because he is a prison guard, I automatically ignored the shortcomings of him.
The first meeting was very warm. He gave me a small gift. In the following months, he also sent me many small gifts, which were some cheap things worth more than ten dollars. I don’t mean to be cheap, but you’ll see why he only gives cheap stuff.
He is very good at saying beautiful words, vulgar words at his disposal, and can understand for any reason. I mentioned to him not to chat like an old man in our daily conversation, and he said that was his style.
During the dating period, he called me to his house all the time. Afterwards, there was no direct asking me to go back home. However, he always gave me a sign to ask me not to stay here overnight. He did not say so, but only expressed his intention. For example, “It’s cold today, so go home early.” “I’m not kicking you out, I have to study tonight”; “I’m going to take an online class. I can’t get distracted.
02
Because of his job, he has to stay in prison half of a month every month and almost without any contact with the outside.
Before the closure, he said he would spend the night. After dinner, he said he would go home. I began to have emotions. On the way back to respond coldly, he was not happy, directly in the street began to “educate” me.
I talked about it for about half an hour, and the main idea was that he had a lot of trouble at work, a lot of trouble at home, and I didn’t make him happy. He said he just wants to be happy with me. If I keep this attitude, he won’t want to spend any more time with me. Then he went on about some inappropriate things I did. Conclusion:
“I know you want to spend more time with me, but everyone’s having a bad day, so go home. We have years to grow.”
I listened to his education for more than half an hour at the edge of the street with my head down. Finally, I was really brainwashed by him and thought it was all my fault. I apologized and went home.
He volunteered that he wanted to live with me, volunteered that after he bought a house, I could carry my luggage and move in. He does not want me to go so far every time to see him. I started fantasizing about living together. Half a year later, he no longer talked about cohabitation. I couldn’t help it, so I asked once. He began to blame me and educated me. Because of this, he says no, and I become a villain.
He explained that the apartment was too small for him to live in and that he would wait until he made enough money to move to a bigger place. Then, another hour of ideological education, I do not understand, I do not understand him.
I met a new gay friend, and he’s gonna ask me to introduce him. Using my phone, pretending my style and asking him out. Three of us are having dinner together. Of course, I paid for the dinner… As for his gay friends, he never brings me. The reason given was that his friends did not mesh with my character.
One time, he wanted to go to a gay couple of my friends for dinner, which annoyed me for a while. Coming out of their house, he said one of his friend clearly had feelings for him. I said, “I know my friend, you’re not his type, and they’re very close.” He began to educate me:
“You are too young, that man obviously seduced me.”
03
Although I didn’t mention it directly, I took the initiative to go to the supermarket to help buy food and drink in the name of love. Each time I spent several hundred dollars, I delivered those things to the outside of the wall of the prison and asked his colleague to bring it to him.
During the closure, he just bought me a cup of milk tea. He said it was the first cup of milk tea in autumn. The truth is, the milk tea was delivered to the wrong address. I looked at the price, 7 dollars, bought one and got one free. Which means 3.5 for a cup.
On Valentine’s Day, I bought him a neck massager. He just gave me a cup and said it was for life. In fact, the cup was so badly made that it was worth a few dollars. I saw several of them in his house.
It’s not that I’m vain about nice things, but every time he gives me something cheap, he makes a bunch of nice words to add value. But I comforted myself to understand each other.
04
During our relationship, he continued to use those dating apps frequently and kept his profile intact.
As I mentioned, you can keep playing with those apps if you want, but a profile that says “seriously dating” is not appropriate. His explanation was that we had just started and it would be troublesome to change back in case it didn’t work out.
When I mentioned it three months later, he said he didn’t like the show of affection, the couple’s profile pictures were too pretentious. I said I didn’t tell you to change your profile picture to show love, just to change your “single” status. After hearing this, he pretended that he had misunderstood and realized suddenly, and went to revise his signature at once. Later I read it, but only deleted the words “seriously looking for a partner”. But the “single” status was still the same.
Then SOMETHING happened. He met a lot of my friends. Giving them the same cheap gift that he gave me.
I asked him to end the relationship, he pretended to retain me. Then, he started to educate me again. I still want to break up. Later that night, he added the phrase “seriously dating” to his profile again.
05
It was at the end of this relationship. After that, I realised that I had been PUA for a few months by him.
I don’t feel sorry for myself, but I just hate myself for being stupid in this relationship. I am a 30-year-old man. In this relationship, I know that the other party has problems, but I still choose to ignore many facts.
Until today, when I think about it, I still shudder faintly.
I feel bad about being degraded, used, abandoned, or hurt. But the truth is, life doesn’t get any worse after that person leaves. They continue to live happily ever after. And here we are, alone in our dark and broken lives.
Just because we become humble doesn’t mean we won’t be loved, and that person will continue to be loved even if he or she is terrible.
I told myself that if I ever met that man on the street, though I knew the chances were slim, I would give him a good scolding.
