I haven’t written a story seriously for a long time. It seems that my whole person has become lazy without the perseverance of the past, always hoping to have personal motivation for themselves, but I forgot that the real person who can give motivation is actually yourself. This truth I seem to understand, but I have not done it.
I can’t believe I met my first love when I was 23 years old. He was young. I actually had a crush before or found solace on the Internet. When I was feeling confused, I met a guy who was very different. He also liked guys, but he had his own principles. He kept his virginity until he met the one he really liked. He told me that he would rather be alone if he could not meet his Mr. right. I feel like he’s my role model, and I should be too, so when I tell people I’m a virgin, I’m either laughed at or told I’m lying. Before, I wanted to argue with others and say a lot of wise words about love and my devotion to love, but gradually I didn’t want to say any more. Everyone has their own standards. Just be yourself or stick to yourself, and don’t care about others’ opinions.
Perhaps everyone and their partner who meet the scene are fairy tales. They will feel very dreamy, except for the gorgeous filters and moving background music.
Xu and I know each other on the Internet. He is younger than me, but he is really more mature than me.
I remember that year, I was smoothly admitted to a university. During the vacation, I took one look at a group of boys in a total of four. It can just add up to a dormitory, so I added them to a Wechat group and told them my idea. They also agree with that. At that time, I never thought about what would happen between Xu and me.
When I arrived at the dormitory at the beginning of the semester, I realized that I could not choose my dormitory by myself because of the Covie-19, so I had to follow the arrangement of the school. Finally, the three of us lived together with the freshmen, six of us in total. At that time, I always thought that Xu had been assigned to another dormitory. At first, I did not notice that Xu did not come. As time went by, I almost forgot him. I only knew that there was one person missing. I never talked about it on the WeChat group once.
One of my roommate told me that Xu was studying at another university, so he didn’t come. We chatted on WeChat. He told me the reason he didn’t come here and I told him the scenery in this city.
I don’t think that two people who didn’t know each other and studied in different cities should keep in contact. I don’t know why and started from when, I chatted with him every day. Perhaps because it was too far away from home, I felt lonely. I called Xu, he answered. That night we talked for more than two hours. It was autumn. He studied his second year’s degree course in the city where I had graduated from before.
On the phone, I told him my inner annoyance and introduced him to the scenic spots of the city. Later I knew that when he called me, he was standing in the corridor, looking at the front of a wide playground, the autumn wind rustling, listening to me at that moment he felt very quiet.
I realized that we had chatted for so long. He didn’t think I was bored. He patiently listens to me, and I’m also interacting. Everything is so wonderful. His gentle voice really reassured me. Why didn’t he study here? If he did, he would be my roommate. I could not help but sigh again.
Slowly, I like to chat with him, like to listen to his voice. I began to be curious about this guy. He told me that he is gay and he liked a guy at his university, but everything is his unrequited love. He also asked me did I have a partner and I said I was too ugly to be accepted by other people. In this conversations, we exchanged our photos. It was also from this conversation, we knew each other’s innermost secrets. It was also from the chat, I began to want to walk into his heart and be his good friend, or go further. Is it possible?
I had never been in love, but I also played some tricks. I deliberately did not call that day, just said good night in wechat, I wanted to see his reaction. Then one day he called me and asked me why I hadn’t called him. I was so happy and said calmly that I was too tired and fell asleep yesterday. I promise that no matter how tired I am, I will sleep after finishing the phone call. At that moment, I flipped.
From October to December, we had endless conversations every day, and we seemed to want to share everything with each other. Then I would joke around and ask him if he wanted to be my boyfriend, and he would always say no. I asked why you always answer seriously. When it was near Christmas, I was also joking and asked him if he had any gifts to give me. He said what I wanted, and I casually said that I had a lack of nutrition recently and needed to drink milk to make up for it. Then I sent him the address. I thought it was just a joke, I didn’t think he actually bought it for me. At that moment, I felt that in my heart, I couldn’t tell what we were joking about before. I’m afraid only the two of us knew it clearly in our hearts.
Because the winter holiday in the north is quite long, I asked him if he would like to come to my house to play after the holiday. He said ok. I thought he was joking. In the next week, I didn't expect that he would text me and say when he could come to my house.
After confirming again and again, my heart was complicated. I told my parents that some of my classmates would come to visit my home for a few days. I waited for him at the station early, and he confirmed my location.
He told me that he had arrived. I had been looking for him in the crowd. He recognized me although I was wearing a mask. I did not recognize him, he said you actually did not recognize me, mainly he was wearing a mask, wearing white clothes. My heart was beating fast on the bus. Slowly, his forehead leaned against my shoulder, and my heart beat faster, which was a hint that he had feelings for me? Later I found out that he was actually a little carsick, I didn’t believe it.
Because the quilt of the guest room is too thin, my mom asked him to sleep in my room with me. He said OK.
My bed was a queen size bed that was very big. I was so happy that finally there was someone sleeping with me. Those are things that happen in my imagination. Thinking about these and seeing him slowly take off his clothes, the heartbeat could accelerate again. When I got up and wanted to turn off the lights, he suddenly kissed me. The moment my body felt like socked by lightning, I kept shavering. I should respond to him, no matter what, so I slowly went back to kiss him. At that moment, I felt the whole room was very warm and my heart also got warm.
It was two years ago. Now, both of us have graduated and live together in a small appartment.
