I met him on September 15, 2018. I was 23 and had just left for graduate school in Beijing. I met him on Blued. At first, we just greeted and complimented each other. He is a sincere and friendly man. He will be humorous and witty to accompany you joking, but also very cooperative with your topic. We can chat from morning to night. I have never been so comfortable with a conversation with a person. I said I was flipped and he said he was too.
The first time we met was on Saturday. At that time, I saw a clean and friendly guy in the subway station, more handsome than I expected. Facing such an excellent boy, I panicked. In his home, I carefully observed his room, every detail of his life revealed his seriousness and cleaners. He made lunch for me. After lunch, I asked him gingerly, were we together? He said yes. I said you better think over it now, don’t go back on your word. He said he was pretty sure.
The next day, I was studying in the classroom, and he took the subway for an hour to accompany me. The third day was the Mid-Autumn Festival. We went to Jingshan to see the full moon. On the first day of National Day, I went to the Forbidden City with him. Every time we walked into a pavilion, he would hold my hand; When I was sleepy at noon, he said, you can rest on my shoulder. He stared at me and took many handsome pictures of me.
From then on, he would come to study with me whenever he was free on weekends. He would load some kiwi fruit, oranges and yoghurt into his schoolbag and peel them for me to eat. He would hold my hand when no one was looking. He will also urge me to study hard because I did not concentrate. Tired at noon, he lay on the table to sleep for a while, saw him sleep uncomfortable, I really felt pain.
I used to visit him too. Coming in on Friday night and leaving on Sunday morning. Although we would meet every week, I would be very reluctant to leave. I lusted for his stubbly stubble, warm body temperature and faint scent.
He made me feel at home. He gave me a set of keys to his house. Every time I went to his house, he would say “Welcome home” to me. I worried that the winter down jacket wouldn’t wash well, so he would take it to his work, wash it and bring it back to me. He and I went to the supermarket together, shopping together. He took me to his shows, and I sat in the audience, watching him twirl his little head around the stage, looking for me everywhere, and he looked so good from so far away.
I also tried to be nice to him. On New Year’s Day, I gave him a bottle of capsules, each with a love message written inside.
Then came the long winter vacation and the Spring Festival. When I returned to Beijing, my tutor was busy applying for projects and didn’t have much time to meet him. He said he suspected he was in a fake relationship. When he finally had time, he came to see me at school with yogurt and some daily necessities from work. It was also a week before he broke up with me.
I went back to his house that night, as I always do. Till he put forward breaking up decisively, I didn’t notice anything different. The last time we met, I asked him if I could give him a hug, and he said yes. It still the familiar smell but something has changed.
I asked him why he broke up and he went on and on about it. I still remember those words very clearly, in each sleepless night, I turned over to taste, reflect on, alert myself.
Until now, every time I pass the school fountain, I feel that you are still there. Every time I take train Line 4, I will think of the experience of leaving the water bottle gifted by you in the subway station, and then we go back to find it in a mess. Every time I take the №10 train, I remember the time I tried to jokingly push you off the train, and the expression on your face was funny.
Not only that, I will never throw things away because you once questioned why I didn’t put them back. When I take the elevator, I always keep to the right, because you said it would affect the people behind me. I learned a lot. I learned to experience life, accept myself and enjoy everything. These are permeated in learning, in every aspect of life.
I don’t know how I feel about you now, but every time I recall again, I still feel warm and happy.
I only know that you will be happy because you deserve it. And I promise myself to always be happy.